In Today's Issue:
- What happens when we sideline partners from postpartum support
- Why "happy wife, happy life" is actually about masculine leadership
- The men's group solution nobody's talking about (+ bonus video how-to!)
"The cost is anxiety."
That's what Eric Stein said when I asked him what happens when fathers feel unprepared and excluded from postpartum care.
"If the masculine is showing up unprepared without confidence, the feminine is going to feel anxious. Progress slows. She might not feel safe."
Eric is co-founder of Restorative Roots (our partner for the PNC program) and father of three. His wife Holly calls him "the perfect birth partner."
And after this conversation, I understand why.
Listen: Masculine Leadership in Birth and Postpartum →
When partners feel excluded from postpartum care, mothers pay the price.
Most providers assess for one thing: Is your home safe? Are you being abused by your partner? That's it. That's the extent of partner evaluation.
Meanwhile, mothers are drowning in resentment because their partner disappears to the bathroom for 30 minutes with his phone. Because he's "helping" by doing everything except actually being present.
Eric's story hit me: On their third baby, he went into robot mode—breakfast in bed every day, all dishes, all drop-offs, everything.
Holly broke down crying: "I just want you to sit in bed and eat with me."
He'd completely forgotten about presence. And presence is what she actually needed.
Many women believe their postpartum depression is because of their unsupportive partner.
Eric's advice? "Tell him how you're really feeling. From the heart. Give him a chance to step up."
But here's the deeper truth: This conversation needs to happen in pregnancy. Not after resentment has already grown.
Providers should be asking at every appointment: How is your relationship? How are you communicating? Where do you feel strain?
Not just "are you safe?" but "are you supported?"
Because resentment destroys marriages. And the postpartum period is when it takes root.
The Resource Gap for Fathers
Here's what shocked me about Eric's story: His dad never sat him down. Never said "this is the most important time, here's what worked for me, here's what didn't."
He went into fatherhood blind. Most men do.
And providers aren't filling this gap. They're sending emails to guys who need phone calls. Providing written resources to men who need to hear information. Missing the communication style completely.
Eric's game-changer? A men's group.
"I found other men to talk to. I let out what I was going through. They gave me perspective I couldn't get anywhere else. It changed my life."
Think about it: A dad who's been through it three times, sitting with first-time fathers, sharing what actually matters.
Not generic parenting advice. Real talk about showing up, about presence versus doing, about masculine leadership that creates safety.
Eric said it perfectly: "You need another man to look at you and say 'dude, shut up. What are you doing right now? That's not important.' That's what the masculine appreciates—direct, no beating around the bush."
Providers could create these spaces. Facilitate these conversations. Give fathers the support system they're not getting anywhere else.
Listen to the Full Conversation on Masculine Leadership in Postpartum →
The episode covers what fathers actually need to hear, how providers can meaningfully include partners, and why "happy wife, happy life" is really about both people pouring into each other.
This is practical, actionable guidance you can implement in your practice or community.
When we support partners effectively, we support mothers. When fathers show up prepared and present, mothers feel safe.
That's a core missing piece in postpartum care.
Stay fierce, stay rooted,
Maranda Bower
CEO & Founder of Postpartum University®
www.PostpartumU.com
